Saturday, March 22, 2014

Frigate Interview

ComNavOps just scored an exclusive interview with the head of the frigate design committee.  Here’s the transcript of the interview.

ComNavOps:  Welcome, Mr. Burrow.  I know everyone is eager for news about the new frigate.  Thanks for giving my readers and myself the exclusive inside information.  As a Marine ground equipment person for the last 10 years, have there been any surprises in the design process, so far?

Burrow:  Well, I couldn’t help but notice right off that the ship is missing wheels.

ComNavOps:  Ahh …  It’s a ship, sir.  It’s meant to float.

Burrow:  Exactly!  And, like any amphibious vehicle it needs wheels once it gets to shore.  I would have thought you’d know that!

ComNavOps:  I do.  I mean, I don’t.  But it’s …  OK …  Moving on …  Any other new design changes we can look for?

Burrow:  We’ll be welding a large number of rings and hooks onto the hull of the ship for the crew to hang their packs and helmets from.

ComNavOps:  Based on your previous comment I guess I should have seen that coming.  You’re aware that the crew has storage space in the berthing compartments?

Burrow:  Hey, hey, hey!  I know we have mixed gender crews but no one is giving birth aboard ship.

ComNavOps:  ?! …

ComNavOps:  Again, moving on …  Many people feel that a frigate needs VLS to be effective.

Burrow:  I agree completely.  The ship will definitely have a Vertical Lunch System to dispense MRE’s.  That’s one Navy system I like – it’s a much more efficient way to feed the crew.

ComNavOps:  Ahh, you may have misunderstood the acronym, there.

Burrow:  I’m not an idiot.  I know what MRE stands for.

ComNavOps:  That’s not the acronym I was …  Never mind.

ComNavOps:  I’m probably going to regret this but one of the potential weaknesses of a frigate is the single propeller and shaft versus dual shaft arrangements in larger ships.  Any thoughts?

Burrow:  Yes.  We’ll be installing oar ports – about 35 per side.  Backup systems are important, you know.

ComNavOps:  Yes they are and that’s probably a good point to stop.  Thanks for taking the time to update us.

Burrow:  Happy to help!  As you Navy guys say, Anchors Away!

ComNavOps:  That’s not …  Oh, what the heck – close enough.

I could do this all day.  Seriously, this stuff just writes itself!


  1. Eh, say what you like about VLS, I've always had a soft spot for Armoured Box Lunches.

  2. Bradley Fighting Vehicle Evolution

    Not the US navy screwing up procurement this time. An amusing look at how the army does things.

    1. Dave P, that's both heartbreaking and hilarious! Thanks for the link.

  3. Hi CNO. Posted an idea on your page:

    I know you like the idea of smaller aircraft carriers, but since you have these massive carriers with smaller air wings, why not increase the number of force multiplier aircraft?


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