The Battle of Heligoland Bight

In the recent Open Post, a commenter suggested doing an analysis of older (pre-WWII) naval battles.  That suggestion led me to wonder whether there were useful lessons to be learned or whether the subsequent advances in technology have rendered any lessons invalid and irrelevant.  Well, let’s take a look at the first naval battle of WWI, the Battle of Heligoland Bight, 28-Aug-1914 and see if it has lessons to offer us today.

To set the stage, at the outbreak of WWI, the British and German navies emphasized strong main battle fleets of dreadnoughts and older battleships supported by battlecruisers, cruisers, and destroyers.  The British implemented a blockade strategy of Germany’s northern coast but were forced to execute a distant blockade instead of a close port blockade due to the threat of submarines and mines.  Germany had several naval bases along the North Sea coast in a large ‘inlet’ of the sea.  The inlet area approach was called the Heligoland Bight and was protected by a series of islands, the most important of which was Heligoland which was heavily fortified.

The German naval forces remained in their protected bases while the British maintained their distant blockade.

As the two naval forces settled into their routines, the German’s developed the habit of sending regular nighttime and daytime destroyer patrols out into the North Sea.  These patrols were escorted out and then met and escorted back by cruisers.

The British developed a plan to ambush the returning destroyers with a locally overwhelming force.  Eight British submarines were positioned around Heligoland Island to act as bait to draw the destroyers out to sea where two destroyer flotillas of 15 and 16 destroyers would engage the Germans.  Two British battlecruisers were tasked with providing additional support for the destroyer flotillas.  In addition, several other British battlecruisers and cruisers were inserted into the action on a haphazard and largely uncommunicated basis.

As the British forces took their positions, the Germans were alerted by increased radio traffic and implemented their own plan which was, essentially, the reverse of the British plan.  The Germans planned to use their destroyers as bait to lure the British ships closer to shore and then have light cruisers engage the British ships.

Weather played a factor with fog and mist causing severe identification problems for both sides.

The battle became a confused, chaotic affair with ships entering the area and engaging and disengaging almost randomly.  Detailed descriptions of the sequence of events can be found in the reference links below. (1,2)  The individual events of the battle are difficult to follow and decipher.  Careful reading and reference to the accompanying maps are required to make sense of the battle.  The sheer confusion for those involved must have been nearly overwhelming.

At one point, in a friendly fire incident, a British submarine fired two torpedoes at the British light cruiser Southampton but missed.  The Southampton then attempted to ram the friendly submarine but failed.

The British lost no ships but suffered heavy damage to one light cruiser and three destroyers.  The Germans lost three light cruisers and a destroyer with several other ships damaged.

So, are there lessons to be learned from this battle?  I think so!  In no particular order,

• Fortune favors the bold – when the bold are backed by local numerical and firepower superiority.  Although the plan largely fell apart, the localized concentrations of British ships enable them to inflict more damage than they received.  Firepower/mass overcame confusion.  This is an important lesson for us, today.  We’ve begun to forego firepower in favor of data and networks.  When confusion comes calling (no plan survives contact with the enemy!), what firepower will we be able to call on to overcome the chaos?


• German destroyers were acting as distributed lethality assets.  Small patrols were sent out to search for targets of opportunity.  Unfortunately, this simply led to the German destroyers being isolated and defeated in detail, with little support.  Despite this lesson, the Navy, today, wants to implement exactly this isolated, distributed lethality operation.


• Submarines caused blue-on-blue engagements and served to increase confusion – this is the classic submarine communication issue.  Nothing has changed today.


• British radio communications were not secure and gave away the impending action, if not the actual details.  It was not, apparently, that the Germans intercepted and listened to the British communications but, instead, they detected a significant increase in radio broadcasts and deduced from this that an action was imminent.  This suggests to us, today, that our communications and data transmissions may not be as secure as we believe and that it is not necessary for an enemy to intercept and decode the transmissions.  They merely need to detect increased transmissions or, indeed, the mere presence of transmissions to glean valuable, actionable information.  We need to regain the ability to operate without communications as we did during the Cold War (EMCON – Emissions Control).  Of course, this directly conflicts with the Navy’s current concept of vast regional networks and fleets of unmanned vehicles all of which require continuous, high bandwidth transmissions.


• General chaos of battle versus our neat concept of perfect data is perfectly illustrated by the neat, tidy, logical British battle plan which disintegrated the moment contact was made with the enemy.  As has often been said, “No plan survives contact with the enemy”.  Despite this oft-repeated lesson, the Navy, today, is counting on perfect situational awareness to execute operational plans that depend on the perfect arrangement of every element.  This is lunacy!  We need to simplify our operational concepts and doctrine and learn to act within the context of confusion.


• On a larger level, the German navy’s refusal to leave their ports violates the adage that, “the seat of purpose is on the land”.  A navy that stays in port has no impact on events on land and is useless.  The modern US Navy runs this risk due to the risk-averse mindset of being unwilling to lose overly expensive ships.

Well, there you have it – a wealth of lessons, most of them seemingly timeless, for us to benefit from today.  It would seem, therefore, that there are lessons that transcend technology. 

This has been a fascinating exercise and I think I’ll try to apply a similar analysis to even older naval actions.  An action from the age of sail ought to make for an interesting study.

____________________________________

(1)BritishBattles.com website, “Battle of Heligoland Bight”

https://www.britishbattles.com/first-world-war/the-battle-of-heligoland-bight/

(2)Wikipedia, “Battle of Heligoland Bight (1914)”,

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Heligoland_Bight_%281914%29

Backward Ship Development, Yet Again

Diversity is great.  No one proved that it offers any benefits.  You’re not allowed to question it.  The only question you can ask is how to implement it.

Similarly, the US Navy, with no validation, no questioning, no supporting documentation, no valid wargames, and no exercises, is now developing unmanned surface vessels (USV) and, in fact, has already budgeted a few years of construction.  You’re not allowed to question it.  The only question you can ask is how to implement it.

Speaking of implementation,

The head of the U.S. Navy’s Fleet Forces Command has ordered the service’s surface force to develop a concept of operations for both the large and medium unmanned surface vessels in development, according to a Dec. 19 message seen by Defense News. (1)

So, having already doctrinally committed to a very large USV presence in the fleet and having already committed to replacing many current surface ships with lightly armed USVs and having already committed to fighting future battles with USVs as a primary fighting asset, the Navy is now, after the fact, beginning to look at developing a concept of operations (CONOPS).  How many times have we seen the Navy do this backwards?  You develop a CONOPS first, and then look to develop a ship to fit the CONOPS, not develop the ship and then look to fit a CONOPS to it.  This backward approach is how we got the LCS and Zumwalt, among others.  This backward approach is how we wound up with an Afloat Forward Staging Base ship that has no mission (see, “AFSB –Looking For Something To Do”).

It is also noteworthy that the Navy is not being invited to debate the concept or experiment with the concept or validate the concept or question [gasp!] the concept.  No, they are being told only to figure out how to use USVs.  Forget whether it’s a good idea or, as demonstrated repeatedly in these pages, a bad idea;  it remains only to figure out how to best use them.

I can’t foresee any problems, whatsoever, with this approach.

This approach of ordering an organization to make a product work without any supporting evidence that it’s a good idea is how organizations force a bad idea into life.

Is ComNavOps the only one with reservations about this?  No, Congress has doubts, too.

What Congress wants to see is more gradual development and proof of concept before it commits serious funding … (1)

Well, good for Congress!  I hope they forcefully exercise their oversight responsibility.

Every time I think I’ve seen the limits of the Navy’s stupidity, they amaze me with their ability to set the bar still lower.

___________________________________

(1)Defense News website, “Fleet commander directs US Navy’s surface force to develop concepts for unmanned ships”, David B. Larter, 3-Jan-2019,

https://www.defensenews.com/naval/2020/01/02/fleet-commander-directs-the-us-navys-surface-force-to-develop-concepts-for-unmanned-ships/

LRASM – A Good Half of a Weapon System

The Navy has announced that the air launched AGM-158C Long Range Anti-Ship Missile (LRASM) is operational on the F-18 Super Hornet.  This is very good news as it now provides the non- or semi-stealthy aircraft the ability to launch from long range which enhances the survivability of the aircraft (and decreases the need for stealth?  - what do you say to that, F-35?).  LRASM is a welcome replacement for the obsolete Harpoon. 

However, the LRASM is only half of a weapon system.  The other half is sensors.  As we’ve noted many times, the longest ranged weapon in the world is useless unless you can find a target from the same range as your weapon.

Hornet and LRASM

The LRASM is reported to have a range of 200-500 miles depending on what source you want to believe.  Currently, the Navy has very few sensors (none?) capable of survivably detecting targets at that range.

As a brief reminder, the LRASM is a stealthy anti-ship cruise missile based on the AGM-158B JASSM-ER.  The missile has a 1000 lb penetrating (whatever that means) blast fragmentation warhead.  It uses multiple sensors and modes to find targets which gives it reduced dependence on GPS guidance.

LRASM is designed to detect and destroy specific targets within groups of ships by employing advanced technologies that reduce dependence on intelligence, surveillance and reconnaissance (ISR) platforms, network links and GPS navigation in electronic warfare environments. (1)

So, this is some good news but now the Navy needs to put some work into developing a long range sensor system that can effectively and survivably operate in enemy controlled or contested air space.  Only with such a sensor system can we get the maximum benefit of the LRASM.

_________________________________

(1)USNI News website, “Next-Generation Anti-Ship Missile Achieves Operational Capability with Super Hornets”, Xavier Vavasseur, 19-Dec-2019,

https://news.usni.org/2019/12/19/next-generation-anti-ship-missile-achieves-operational-capability-with-super-hornets

This ... This Is How You Deal With China

The following post is going to touch on geopolitics.  This is not a political blog and the reason I’m going to dip slightly into politics is that the actions and results directly relate to possible military/naval relations with, and actions towards, China.  It is the military aspect that I’m focused on rather than the political but there’s no discussing the one without the other.  So …

President Trump has been criticized by the left for engaging in a trade war with China.  Much of this war took the form of increased tariffs on Chinese imports.  China, of course, responded with increased tariffs of their own and the cycle went back and forth.  The left predicted that increased tariffs would decimate the US economy without considering the potential good that could come from it.  President Trump has held the position that China has been taking advantage of the US in trading for many years and that the situation had to be rectified and could be rectified.

As it turns out, President Trump was correct.  The US economy did not collapse but has grown even stronger and, most importantly, the Chinese have blinked and backed down somewhat.  The President has announced that China has agreed to a Phase 1 trade agreement.  As part of all this, China has announced that it will lower tariffs on 850 products this coming year. (1)

China and the United States cooled their drawn-out trade war earlier this month, announcing a Phase 1 agreement that would reduce some U.S. tariffs in exchange for more Chinese purchases of American farm products and other goods. (1)

U.S. Trade Representative Robert Lighthizer said China had agreed to buy $200 billion worth of additional U.S. goods and services over the next two years as part of the Phase 1 trade pact to be signed in early January. If the purchases are made, they would represent a huge jump in U.S. exports to China. (1)

To be sure, this is a small victory and it remains to be seen whether China will actually follow through and keep their word given that they routinely violate their pledges on all manner of issues.  They are not the most trustworthy of nations – not even close.  Their word is worthless. 

Still, it demonstrates lessons that are applicable to our military relations with, and actions towards, China.

First and foremost, this demonstrates that China respects and responds only to strength.  Conversely, accommodation and compromise are seen as signs of weakness and signals that the other party can be taken advantage of.  This should suggest a course of action for our military.  Instead of meekly allowing ourselves to be chased out of the South China Sea and chased away from Chinese naval forces in international waters, we should respond with resolution and a willingness, nay, eagerness, to engage and escalate.  Despite fraudulent Chinese claims to the contrary, the South China Sea is international waters and we should stand our ground and respond to harassment in kind.

Instead of meek, worthless Freedom of Navigation cruises which only reinforce China’s territorial claims (see, "Freedom of Navigation vs Innocent Passage"), we should anchor a ship a hundred feet off each of China’s illegal artificial islands and dare them to do something about it – and be prepared to take forceful action in response.

Let’s also clearly understand that even if China follows through on their trade pledges, their concessions are in areas that benefit them.  The reduced tariffs are on goods that they actually want to increase imports on.  In other words, they’re willing to accept a small tactical retreat to gain a larger benefit.

Recognizing this, we can take advantage of it.  We need to create situations in which the Chinese will accept small tactical retreats and, when they do, we need to solidify our gains and continually press for more.  Enough small retreats eventually become an overall significant retreat.

For example, we should be pushing back hard on Chinese territorial fishing violations and look to force the Chinese to back off some of their attempts at illegal territorial expansion.  We should increase naval visits to Taiwan and as soon as those become accepted then we should announce extended ‘visits’ which eventually become permanent basing.  We should flood their excessive Air Defense Identification Zones with our aircraft and force them to continually respond to us until they reduce the size of their claims.  I’m betting we can outlast them.  We should have ‘spy’ ships (intel gathering) closely tailing all Chinese naval forces that put to sea (you’ll recall that the Chinese routinely ‘spy’ on the RIMPAC exercises).  And so on.

The opportunities to push back and chip out small victories are endless.  It only requires some fortitude on our part and a willingness to accept escalation if the Chinese wish it.  We won’t be the ones to escalate but we should not be afraid of it – we should embrace it.

China respects strength and only strength as the trade war result proves.  It is far past time to demonstrate our strength with military/naval actions.

Note:  Because of the political aspects of this post, I’m not going to allow free comments because I don’t want to engage in political debates.  That’s not the point of the post.  So, instead, I’m going to moderate the comments for this post.  Be warned … I will not allow political comments.  If you wish to comment, confine it to the military implications.

_______________________________________

(1)CNBC website, “China will lower import tariffs on over 850 products from January 1, finance ministry says”, 22-Dec-2019,

https://www.cnbc.com/2019/12/23/china-will-lower-import-tariffs-on-over-850-products-from-january-1.html

DoD Revamps Navy Force Structure

Wow!  You take one day off for Christmas and the Navy completely revamps their entire force structure plan.  The Navy has made known some major modifications to previous force structure plans.  The news came out at Christmas.  Whether that’s coincidence (there’s no such thing as coincidence!) or an attempt by the Navy to hide and bury controversial news is unknown – decide for yourself.

The Department of Defense (DoD) is proposing cutting 5 of 12 planned Burke Flt III destroyers in the 2021-25 period.(1)  These ships are the supposed replacements for the Ticonderoga class cruisers.

The DoD proposal also calls for cutting the 22 Ticonderoga cruisers down to 9.(1)  Digest that a moment.  DoD want’s to not only cut our prime AAW cruisers from 22 to 9 but, at the same time, reduce their planned replacements from 12 to 7.  That’s a double hit on our central AAW force.

DoD’s proposal would decrease the size of the fleet from the current 293 to 287 at the same time that the official Navy fleet size goal (and the legislatively mandated fleet size!) remains at 355 ships. 

How can the Navy cut ships and still produce a 355 ship fleet?  By building small, unmanned ships with little combat capability and counting them as battle fleet ships.  You’ll recall that the Navy already attempted to count hospital ships and other non-combat ships as well as delivered but non-functional ships as active battle fleet ships.  Congress stepped in and passed legislation preventing that but the Navy is determined to do it anyway.

… DOD shall submit a legislative proposal to redefine a battleforce ship to include unmanned ships, complete with clearly defined capability and performance thresholds to define a ship’s inclusion in the overall battleforce ship count. (1)

We’re going to have unmanned rowboats counting as battle fleet ships but the Navy will be able to say that they met their 355 ship goal.

Continuing, the Navy proposes to decommission the first four LCS one to two decades early. (2)  The Navy will, undoubtedly tell us that the rationale for retiring the first four ships of the type is that they are non-standard because they were developmental.  Well, that’s what happens when you start building without an actual design or finished construction drawings.  What’s next?  Are we going to retire the first four Fords early?  Someone has got to be fired over this.

The Navy also wants to decommission three Whidbey Island class LSD-41 amphibious ships (LSD-41, 42, 44) between 8-14 years early. (2)

Do you see the consistent theme being continued here?  The Navy retires virtually every ship class early.  Los Angeles, Spruance, Tarawa, Perry, and now LCS, Whidbey Island, and Ticonderoga have all been retired early.  At the same time, the Navy is, on paper at least, claiming to increase ship service lives.  Worse, the Navy continues to try to ‘future-proof’ ships during construction, at significant added cost, despite the overwhelming evidence that they’ll be early retired.  That’s an enormous logical inconsistency.  ComNavOps has called for reducing ship design service lives to 15-20 years which is what the Navy is doing anyway.  Despite this, many commenters continue to call for 50 year lives and maximum upgradability.  That’s completely wrong and completely at odds with demonstrated Navy practice.

How can Congress fund even a single new ship for the Navy given the demonstrated practice of deferred and neglected maintenance and early retirements?  I wouldn’t give the Navy a single penny until they prove they’ll maintain and fully use the ships they have.

Finally, the Navy wants to defer acquisition of one Virginia class submarine and one FFG(X).

The Navy seems fully dedicated to abandoning manned ships in favor of unmanned ships with greatly reduced capabilities and firepower.  The rationale would appear to be the pursuit of the Navy’s Holy Grail - manning cost savings.  The Navy is building a profitability business case at the expense of combat firepower and effectiveness.  The Navy has a long and proud tradition of idiotic decisions over the last several decades but this is looking to be their crowning achievement , their magnum opus of stupidity – a colossal monument of stupidity for future generations to admire in stupefied and befuddled awe.

We are designing our own defeat right before our eyes.  Stunning.

__________________________________

(1)Defense News website, “Pentagon proposes big cuts to US Navy destroyer construction, retiring 13 cruisers”, David B. Larter, 24-Dec-2019,
https://www.defensenews.com/naval/2019/12/24/pentagon-proposes-big-cuts-to-us-navy-destroyer-construction-retiring-13-cruisers/

(2)Defense News website, “US Navy proposes decommissioning first 4 LCS more than a decade early”, David B. Larter, 24-Dec-2019,

https://www.defensenews.com/naval/2019/12/24/us-navy-proposes-decommissioning-first-4-lcs-more-than-a-decade-early/

Merry Christmas!

From me and my family, to you and yours, Merry Christmas!

The SEAL Mission

Here’s another fictional story but this time, instead of focusing on larger scale battles, we’re going to look at a single individual and how he might operate in the near future.

The very small Short Take Off, Vertical Landing (STOVL) aircraft settled gently to the ground next to the house the target was reportedly occupying.  It was dark and the aircraft’s stealth (including acoustic suppression) had been sufficient to ensure an undetected landing.  Double checking before leaving the aircraft, the operator patted the bag containing the package he was to deliver.  This was a non-lethal delivery intended only to send a message to the target.  The mission was to be a quick in-and-out operation with the package to be left for the target to find in the morning.

Lowering himself to the ground, he paused a moment to listen and assure himself that he was still undetected.  Satisfied, he spotted the small outcropping on the roof that his pre-mission intel had identified and then unhooked a specialized grappling hook from his MOLLE vest.  The vest was a recent addition to his standard outfit and he wondered how he had gotten along without it before.  He gently tossed the hook up to the roof outcropping and felt it snag securely.  Hand over hand, he quickly scaled the side of the house and pulled himself onto the roof.  It would have been much easier to land the aircraft directly on the roof, like in TV shows, but the reality was that unless a building was specifically constructed to take the weight, even a very light aircraft like his was just too much for a roof to hold.

With cat-like balance born of endless training repetitions, he made his way to the chimney.  It might seem clichéd but one of the easiest and least secured entry points to a building or house was the chimney, assuming it was large enough to accommodate a person.  The top of the chimney extended about four feet above the roof and had a simple locked grate over the opening.  His eyebrow arched up momentarily as he considered this.  The target was clearly no ordinary person as no ordinary person would have a locked grate over a chimney.  The operator smirked slightly.  No simple lock was going to stop him.  He had been trained to open any conceivable lock.

Sure enough, a moment’s effort was all it took to open the lock and quietly swing open the grate.  Reaching up with both hands to the edge of the chimney, he gave a slight jump, pulling himself up and twisting so that he landed, sitting, on the edge.  Swinging his legs over the edge, he dropped silently down the chimney only to abruptly stop short barely four feet down.  Pulling out his palm sized tactical flashlight, he looked down to see that he was standing on yet another grate, this one thick and embedded into the brick masonry. 

“Damn!”, he thought to himself, “This guy is taking security beyond reasonable and into paranoid.” 

Still, he wasn’t worried.  There were plenty of other ways into any structure and he had been trained to find and use all of them.  Hoisting himself up and out of the chimney opening, he ghosted back across the roof and slid down the grappling line to the ground.

Moving to a window sheltered in deep darkness, he began to examine the window.  He was taking no chances this time.  Removing a hand held multi-spectral sensor from a pouch on his vest, he carefully scanned the window.  His caution proved wise as he quickly detected criss-crossing laser beams.  Presumably, they were part of a motion detection system and connected to an alarm.  He would have to find another way in.  This was turning out to be more of a challenge than the pre-mission brief had led him to expect.  Time was also becoming a factor.  His mission schedule had some delay variance built in but there was a limit.  He had to find an entry point quickly.

Backing slowly away from the window, he reached across his chest and tapped a padded button on his shoulder.  The button activated his suit’s pizo-electric, adaptive camouflage capability.  The suit’s small optical sensor noted the ambient light and surrounding color wavelengths and the nano-threads of the suit’s fabric received a minute electrical charge from the sensor’s battery which had the effect of changing the color of the threads.  He was now completely blended in with the surroundings and virtually invisible.  Given the target’s demonstrated security fixation, the operator was taking no chance of being visually spotted by a hidden security camera.

Reaching into yet another pouch (love that MOLLE vest, he thought) he removed a pair of glasses and put them on.  He quickly blinked several times, activating the smart glasses head up display (HUD) and scrolled his way to the building schematics.  A quick moment of study and found what he was looking for.  The house was built on a crawl space with a service access door on the side of the building.

He began cautiously walking around the house to the side.  He was in full tactical mode now, stepping slowly and silently, feeling with his unweighted toe before placing his full weight on his extended foot and then repeating the process with each step.  It was an ungainly looking way to walk, toe-then-heel rather than the normal heel-then-toe, but it was silent and safe and he had long since mastered the movement to point that it was second nature.

A step away from the crawl space door, he paused to shine his shielded tactial flashlight at the door.  Out of the corner of his eye he caught the faintest glimmer of light.  Glancing down in the direction of the light, he was barely able to see a monofilament tripwire stretched across the door just a step in front of it.  One more slight movement and would have tripped it.

Backing off a step, he incredulously wondered, “Who is this guy?  No reasonable person has this kind of security at a house!”

The operator acknowledged to himself that he probably should have paid more attention to the mission briefing but his mind had wandered a bit.  That’s what happens when operations become too routine for too long. 

Stepping carefully over the tripwire, he examined the door.  Finding no additional alarms he ever so slowly opened the simple lock and unlatched the door.  Peering inside, he could see the usual assortment of heating ducts, pipes, and wires that every crawl space contains.  Easing himself into the crawl space, he slowly and silently moved to the nearest air duct and traced it up to the house’s main floor, directly above his head.  He quickly unscrewed the duct from the air diffuser and set the diffuser gently off to one side.  He now had a 4 inch by 10 inch opening into the main floor of the house.  Obviously, he couldn’t fit through the opening but he didn’t need to. 

Clipped to the back of his vest was a miniature remote controlled wheeled drone, much like a child’s remote control car, only this one had a tiny camera and a flatbed instead of a car body.  Reaching into his bag, he pulled out the package.  Fortunately, it was only the size of a man’s fist.  Reaching up through the exposed diffuser opening, he placed the drone on the floor and then carefully placed the package on the flatbed of the drone.

Opening yet another pouch on his vest, he removed the remote control unit for the drone, set the miniature display for low level light enhancement, and began driving the drone forward.  After a brief recon of the room above him, he spotted a likely corner and directed the drone to the location.  A touch of a switch and the drone’s tiny flatbed tipped sideways allowing the package to gently slide off and down to the floor.

Satisfied with the package placement, he quickly retrieved the drone and retraced his steps out of the crawl space and back towards his aircraft.  Jumping lightly back aboard, he let out a pent up breath and realized he had been sweating from exertion and tension.  It felt good to stretch his shoulders and relax for a moment.  Mission accomplished, curiosity immediately overcame him and he scrolled through his smart glasses to the mission briefing background to see who the target was and way he was so paranoid about security.  Seeing the name of the target, he let out a muffled curse. 

“Should have known”, he thought, “I hate delivering packages to retired SEALS.  Paranoid bastards, all of them!” 

With that, he deactivated his cammo suit and it immediately returned to its normal brilliant red.  Glancing out of the sleigh to clear left, right, and above, he rose into the air.  No one was there to hear it but as he rose out of sight he quietly muttered, “Ho, ho, ho, wise guy.  I beat you.  Enjoy your present of a new tactical wristwatch.  Merry f*ing Christmas!”

Note:  There’s no messages in this story – just a bit of Christmas entertainment.  I love SEALs.