ComNavOps just scored an exclusive interview with the head of the frigate design committee. Here’s the transcript of the interview.
ComNavOps: Welcome, Mr. Burrow. I know everyone is eager for news about the new frigate. Thanks for giving my readers and myself the exclusive inside information. As a Marine ground equipment person for the last 10 years, have there been any surprises in the design process, so far?
Burrow: Well, I couldn’t help but notice right off that the ship is missing wheels.
ComNavOps: Ahh … It’s a ship, sir. It’s meant to float.
Burrow: Exactly! And, like any amphibious vehicle it needs wheels once it gets to shore. I would have thought you’d know that!
ComNavOps: I do. I mean, I don’t. But it’s … OK … Moving on … Any other new design changes we can look for?
Burrow: We’ll be welding a large number of rings and hooks onto the hull of the ship for the crew to hang their packs and helmets from.
ComNavOps: Based on your previous comment I guess I should have seen that coming. You’re aware that the crew has storage space in the berthing compartments?
Burrow: Hey, hey, hey! I know we have mixed gender crews but no one is giving birth aboard ship.
ComNavOps: ?! …
ComNavOps: Again, moving on … Many people feel that a frigate needs VLS to be effective.
Burrow: I agree completely. The ship will definitely have a Vertical Lunch System to dispense MRE’s. That’s one Navy system I like – it’s a much more efficient way to feed the crew.
ComNavOps: Ahh, you may have misunderstood the acronym, there.
Burrow: I’m not an idiot. I know what MRE stands for.
ComNavOps: That’s not the acronym I was … Never mind.
ComNavOps: I’m probably going to regret this but one of the potential weaknesses of a frigate is the single propeller and shaft versus dual shaft arrangements in larger ships. Any thoughts?
Burrow: Yes. We’ll be installing oar ports – about 35 per side. Backup systems are important, you know.
ComNavOps: Yes they are and that’s probably a good point to stop. Thanks for taking the time to update us.
Burrow: Happy to help! As you Navy guys say, Anchors Away!
ComNavOps: That’s not … Oh, what the heck – close enough.
I could do this all day. Seriously, this stuff just writes itself!