Saturday, March 22, 2014

Frigate Interview

ComNavOps just scored an exclusive interview with the head of the frigate design committee.  Here’s the transcript of the interview.



ComNavOps:  Welcome, Mr. Burrow.  I know everyone is eager for news about the new frigate.  Thanks for giving my readers and myself the exclusive inside information.  As a Marine ground equipment person for the last 10 years, have there been any surprises in the design process, so far?

Burrow:  Well, I couldn’t help but notice right off that the ship is missing wheels.

ComNavOps:  Ahh …  It’s a ship, sir.  It’s meant to float.

Burrow:  Exactly!  And, like any amphibious vehicle it needs wheels once it gets to shore.  I would have thought you’d know that!

ComNavOps:  I do.  I mean, I don’t.  But it’s …  OK …  Moving on …  Any other new design changes we can look for?

Burrow:  We’ll be welding a large number of rings and hooks onto the hull of the ship for the crew to hang their packs and helmets from.

ComNavOps:  Based on your previous comment I guess I should have seen that coming.  You’re aware that the crew has storage space in the berthing compartments?

Burrow:  Hey, hey, hey!  I know we have mixed gender crews but no one is giving birth aboard ship.

ComNavOps:  ?! …

ComNavOps:  Again, moving on …  Many people feel that a frigate needs VLS to be effective.

Burrow:  I agree completely.  The ship will definitely have a Vertical Lunch System to dispense MRE’s.  That’s one Navy system I like – it’s a much more efficient way to feed the crew.

ComNavOps:  Ahh, you may have misunderstood the acronym, there.

Burrow:  I’m not an idiot.  I know what MRE stands for.

ComNavOps:  That’s not the acronym I was …  Never mind.

ComNavOps:  I’m probably going to regret this but one of the potential weaknesses of a frigate is the single propeller and shaft versus dual shaft arrangements in larger ships.  Any thoughts?

Burrow:  Yes.  We’ll be installing oar ports – about 35 per side.  Backup systems are important, you know.

ComNavOps:  Yes they are and that’s probably a good point to stop.  Thanks for taking the time to update us.

Burrow:  Happy to help!  As you Navy guys say, Anchors Away!

ComNavOps:  That’s not …  Oh, what the heck – close enough.



I could do this all day.  Seriously, this stuff just writes itself!

4 comments:

  1. Eh, say what you like about VLS, I've always had a soft spot for Armoured Box Lunches.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Bradley Fighting Vehicle Evolution
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXQ2lO3ieBA

    Not the US navy screwing up procurement this time. An amusing look at how the army does things.

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    Replies
    1. Dave P, that's both heartbreaking and hilarious! Thanks for the link.

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  3. Hi CNO. Posted an idea on your page:
    http://navy-matters.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/aircraft-carrier-what-future.html#comment-form

    I know you like the idea of smaller aircraft carriers, but since you have these massive carriers with smaller air wings, why not increase the number of force multiplier aircraft?

    ReplyDelete