Remakes of famous movies are a staple of
Hollywood moviemaking entertainment. I’ve just learned that a series of famous
naval movies are scheduled for remakes with a modern take on them. Here’s a list of the movies along with a
brief synopsis of the plots.
In Harm’s Way – The inspiring story of courage against all odds. Fighting off green energy task forces, a courageous Captain risks all to continue using incandescent light bulbs on his ship even in the face of overwhelming bureaucratic odds.
Run Silent, Run Deep – Rig for silent running as the creators of the LCS slip silently away, ducking responsibility depth charges and gaining promotions in the process!
They Were Expendable – The true story of the Spruance class destroyers that were sunk by the US Navy in a desperate attempt to stave off criticisms of the new Aegis system and eliminate any possible alternative.
Mister Roberts – A plucky lieutenant tries to look out for his crew while waging a tireless campaign to get the ship’s Captain to approve his transfer to a naval hospital for a gender change operation.
Crimson Tide – Suspense abounds as a submarine Captain and his Executive Officer clash over the wording of the PowerPoint slides they’ll use to summarize the sub’s patrol. Mutiny ensues and the crew must choose sides: the Captain wants Arial font and the XO wants Times New Roman.
The Enemy Below – An American destroyer Captain engages in a battle of wits with an Iranian submarine commander. Watch as the American destroyer fires off volley after volley of strongly worded protests until the Iranian simply orders the American destroyer to stand down and be boarded, at which point the heroic American crew comply and are eventually released to return home to a hero’s welcome and medals for all the female crew members for just being there.
The Caine Mutiny – A ship Captain is relieved for “loss of confidence in his ability to command” after an anonymous complaint from a crew member to the Navy’s 1-800-SQUEAL phone line accuses the Captain of miscounting the ship’s strawberry inventory. The subsequent court martial reveals that, indeed, one can of strawberries was short a berry and Navy leadership congratulates itself on weeding out yet another unfit Captain.
Top Gun – A maverick pilot breaks all the rules as he battles the Navy and a caricature enemy before passing out in his F-18 due to oxygen deprivation in the climactic scene.
The Final Countdown – A freak storm sends a Navy carrier back to WWII where they learn that warships used to have armor and heavy weapons. Stunned, they return to their own time and vow never to speak of what they have learned.
G.I. Jane – In an absurd bit of movie making, a woman breezes through SEAL training. Oh wait, that’s not a ridiculous remake – that was the original movie!
An Officer and a Gentleman – A young man attends
where he learns what it really means to be a Navy
officer. Watch as he learns to smile and
salute while extolling the virtues of a non-functional weapons program, thwarts
Congressional cost caps, masters the art of micromanagement, rises through the
ranks by taking no chances, and ultimately retires to a well earned position on
the board of a major defense industry company. Officer Candidate School
Operation Petticoat – This lighthearted WWII movie sees a pink submarine with an all female crew rescue a party of helpless men from the Japanese advance. The ensuing hijinks show why men don’t belong in a modern Navy!
– A taut psychological thriller of life at sea. Witness the cruelty of life at sea as the
ship crosses the equator and the Pollywogs in the crew are forced to endure
unimaginable hazing cruelties when the Shellbacks in the crew make funny faces
at them. Warning! Some scenes may be too graphic for younger viewers
as Pollywogs are politely requested to eat Jello blindfolded while being told
that it is dragon’s blood. Cruel Sea
Down Periscope – A misfit Captain and his crew take a submarine into a wargame, sink all the blue ships, and the results are ignored. Oh wait, that was Millenium Challenge 2002, not a movie.
How about it? Seen any good movie remakes lately that didn’t make the list?